Wreckage escaped

image courtesy: google.

Sailing through the ocean of ephemeral samsara,
I am deeply shaken by turbulence of chilly breeze.
Buoyantly as I float, the wind drifted me afar
Chaotically making me lost between painful waves.

I am sinking but I see you swimming,
Go! catch the end of voyage which is awaiting you.
The hero awaits to hold you hand to save you,
And shower you with love and happiness.

For ship of my life is wrecked,
I might be destined to drown.
Ever if I resurrect on Almighty's grace,
I will pray for your love and happiness.

Message from the Black Mountains.

The beautiful autumn colours were gradually fading and a sensation of parchedness and chill of winter breeze was easily felt. The beautiful valley of Phobjikha, like every winter, had already welcomed their regular guests; I could see flocks of Black-Necked Cranes rummaging through the marshy plains. In some areas, I could see cranes in pairs. Through their melodic calls, a strong reverberation of calls from my dear angel rung hard in my spine. I was among the team of four conservationists to conduct high mountain wildlife patrolling in the Black Mountain regions, the steepness of which rises from Phobjikha, located at an elevation of 2800 masl.

With the rations firmly packed and with the sleeping bags and mats compactly folded, I picked up my Rucksack and began the weeklong mountain expedition. Patrolling is a risky and arduous job for the foresters. The chances of encountering the poacher groups face to face is never zero and with a small group of only four people, it is even riskier. I looked forward. I could see the last house of the village finally giving way to hills of Fir forests. With each step, I was moving a distance farther from my beloved one. I looked back. Perched on a hill top, I could see the sacred Gangtey the seat of great Peling. I closed my eyes, with prayers on my lips, I sought a refuge during our mountain expedition.

We ascended the woods of Rhododendron & Fir and finally reached the mountain top at noon. The vegetation shifted to Junipers, many of which were left  skeletal after  the recent fire outbreak. There was no more mobile connectivity.

 "You are moving in the cold terrains of wilderness. Eat well and take care of your body. I will miss you."  This was the last message of love I heard and for the next 7 days, I was not sure whether I would get to hear a melodic tune again. I would miss her in the cold.

From the hill top, the elevation never descended below 3500 masl. As we walked over the ridges, we never failed in our duties of inspecting the evidence of poachers entry into the core of our National Park. Jigme Singye Wangchuck National Park is the third largest national park in the country, endowed with rich biological and cultural diversity. Over the last 20 years, the dedicated foresters had put tireless efforts into conserving its sacred habitats. I am lucky to be part of this current scenario.

We spent our first night in a herders' camp. The yaks had already migrated to a warmer region, allowing us to comfortably spend the night in their vacated hut. This was my first unusual evening without phone calls and text message exchanges. Diary! I was advised, numerous times, by my senior conservationists to maintain a diary for future reference. We ate our dinner before dusk doomed us. Soon after dinner, as my colleagues were gossiping, beneath the light of candle, I opened my field journal. After jotting down the highlights of the day, I wrote my first message.

Date: 18/11/2014
Time: 6:23 PM
Place: Yakchutak.

My dear sweetheart,

How is your evening going ? Are you experiencing an unusual evening without our conversations?

Though our last conversation was at 9:00 AM today, to me, it appears like it has been eons since we last spoke. Today I am having an unusual evening. I am missing our long evening talks for the first time after many months of our intimacy. I switched on my mobile to see if a miracle would happen, but the network signal never popped up. If not of my unwavering feelings of love and missing memories of our togetherness, I am totally disconnected from you. The cold air penetrates the walls and hits us hard. It is cold even beside the burning hearth.

 I miss you in the cold.

My dear angel, with each passing second I am recollecting some of our sweet conversations and caring text messages that we exchanged. We never know what the future holds for us, but I have the most beautiful cherishing memories of you and I. My only dream is of you. I will strive to bring my dream into a reality. I am so glad that fate has been so generous to make our bond stronger with each passing day. Our faith and trust will be the forces that will keep our karmic connection firm and complete. If you remember, I told you a month ago that my lost of trust and love in you will be the day I breathe my last and that I miss you with every single breathe.

Do you know how many times you pop into my mind in a day? I think and dream of you often, but it's never enough. In my heart, we are together forever but the distances and obstacles bar us physically. Particularly today, in an alien mountain, as solitarily I sail through the alpine clouds, in the dark silent night, I feel alone. I can't imagine how my life would be without you. Anyways, before I close my journal and attempt a cosy nap in my sleeping bag, on this crispy night, I am referring here to a message which I texted to you one lonely evening;

Oh endearing lotus,
You are frequently swayed by the frosty breeze,
If meeting not ever off lay parting
How elated I would be.
And the greens turn yellow
Only are the faithful words that still remain.
Like the cumulus shades I might fade
but with each diminishing phase
I dream a hundred you.
And in every step I proceed,
Your thoughts pull me a step closer to you,
Simply you are my destiny and I am destined for you.

With love,
Ap Bokto.

I am Sorry, Please forgive me..,

Lonely as I was sailing the stormy ocean,

Fatefully I encountered you, a heavenly damsel,
Intimately, as I embraced your unadulterated heart,
Beautifully, you accompanied the deadly voyage.

The seed of love we have sown,

Time has nurtured to reach its maturity,
With the autumn colours, as we await the fruit,
It’s the breeze that’s shaking us hard.

Trust we were entrusted, faithful we remained, 

Feelings we have expressed,
And committed we remained so proudly,
But as I feel the pinch of storm, I was startled.

Beautiful were the moments where we cuddled and hugged,

The humours and jokes, they added further recipe,
How happily and peacefully we shared our feelings,
Not realizing, its time the roosters had to make morning call.

Today, the storm is hard and my voyage seems perilous,

I needed your love the most but you seems drifting away.
I was worried, I was surprised, I didn’t know why,
But it hurt me gravely, when myself is the cause.

I know you are hurt, but that was not my intention,

I didn’t had a guilt cos all I loved was unconditionally,
But it’s my bad, when unconsciously I acted that way,
I am sorry, so please forgive me.

I love u as ever, and miss you every single moment,

I will always clinch unto you, even if you leave me behind,
I will wait for your return if you are taking a break, 
I am not hurting you further, and this is promise I keep.

Please don’t say it’s over,

Please don’t say you lost the trust in me,
Please don’t say our future is blur,
Please don’t go leaving me in pain.

We are destined forever.

I Dreamed of You.

My Dear sweet Heart,

I had the best dream ever. You and me, in beautiful colours of autumn, traversing by the paddy fields, climbing uphill’s to reach the hill tops. We were hoisting prayer flags, holding hand in hand and running against the wind, your beautiful hair swept by the wind and touching my face, your fragrance entering my nostrils. I saw you and me sitting under the shade of huge juniper, me holding u in my arms, you gazing in my eyes from my lap, as I talk to you my immense feeling of love and joy, we sharing the dreams of our beautiful future. Simply I am sunken into your vines, 

I love you and miss you every single moment. My perfect sweetheart, let's be the epitome of love for the remaining world.

-Missing you, my love.

A Moment to Cherish

google image.

Imagine if I was given one moment,

Just a single slice of my past.

I could hold it close forever,

and that moment would always last.

I'd put the moment in a safe,

within my hearts abode.

I could open it when I wanted,

and only I would know the code.

I could choose a time of laughing,
a time of happiness and fun.
I could choose a time that tried me,
through everything I've done.

I sat and thought about what moment,
would always make me smile.
One that would always push me,
to walk that extra mile.

If I'm feeling sad and low,
if I'm struggling with what to do.
I can go and open my little safe,
and watch my moment through.

There are moments I can think of,
that would lift my spirits every time.
The moments when you picked me up

when the road was hard to climb.

For me to only pick one moment,

to cherish, save and keep,

Is proving really difficult,

as I've gathered up a heap!

I've dug deep inside my heart,

found the safe and looked inside,

there was room for lots of moments,

in fact hundreds if I tried.

I'm building my own little library,

embedded in my heart,

for all the moments spent with you,

before you had to part.

I can open it up whenever I like,

pick a moment and watch it through,

My little library acts as a promise,

I'll never ever forget you... :))

Courtesy: Pel Yang.

Am I fine?

I’m fine' are the hardest words to say,

but people want you to say it every day. 

But you hate to lie to them, 

especially to their face.

I've lied to you way too much, 

which makes me cry late at night. 

I wish I could tell you the truth, 

but the words just get stuck in my tooth...

One day I hope,

I don’t feel like a dope. 

And I will tell you the truth,

then maybe I will smile... 

But until that day comes, 

I’ll keep my head high. 

And just say, 

'I’m fine...'

Courtesy: Pel Yang. 

“Everything in this world is so fleeting and ephemeral in nature, A beautiful episode in your life is overcast with the aghast clouds of transitory agony but keep it alive, your inner strength and gleaming smile. A beautiful dawn is yet to crack; a new smile, new life, rejuvenated hope and cherishing love. You will be fine”

Of Reflections- 2013 in Diary

Only that shines early in the east,
Is the sun that rises from the east,
That brightens the world at its best,
Is what it does, that shines in the east.

"Years come and go but this year, I specially wish for you a double dose of health and happiness topped with loads of good fortunes. Have a great year ahead. Happy New Year 2013." Read one of the sms that I received from a friend at the 2013 New Years Eve. 2013 was a landmark in my life. It was a year of fulfillment, of pride and satisfaction. Years of persistent perspiration finally landed me a job in Jigme Singye Wangchuck National Park, the park with its core, the legendary Jowo Durshing and inhabited by the mythical animal, the giant tigers, to pursue conservation and management of country’s natural heritage; a cause destined and profession chosen.

“Your scenic beauty is tantalizing,
The crystalline flakes are glistening,
With divine blessings accumulated in countless stupas,
Joyfully I cross you, the panoramic Dochula.” – January 2013

Crossing the panoramic Dochula and reversing the trails long traversed by Pema Lingpa the Pelela, I finally landed in Tshangkha, a valley overlooking the swift Mangde Chhu and facing the dark hills of Black Mountains, and I for the first time felt the chill of cold Black mountain breezes. However, the sun that rose with the dawn of 2013 was there to stay brighten whole of my year.

Under the intellectual and dynamic supervision of the Kelzang sir, Park Manager for JSWNP and my first boss, I availed the best of privileges to explore and experience the life of a forester. One week in and I had my first experience in wilderness, and there was no looking back. Firstly, it was the Biological Corridor survey, followed by the Tiger survey and of late monitoring Golden langurs and White-bellied Herons. The adventure revolved around the black mountains, sleeping by caves, crossing the rivers, drenching in the rains thus experiencing the true man vs. wild fantasies. In the north, the cold of Black mountains chilled me, the temperate rhododendrons mesmerized me, and down in the south, it’s the tweets of birds that bonded me to the nature. We explored the untraveled ancient trails and discovered the secrets of aboriginal Monpas. While the entire journey seems adventurous, there were instances where we suffered and bereaved.

“My body it sweated gallons, my muscles got fatigued.
My boot stinked coat accumulated layers of dust.
My leg burnt and it ached. Hiking the terrains and jungle of JSWNP
Sixth day and still counting with rain drenching and sun soaking,
Thus adventuring in lost land of tigers.” -April 2013

I have been seldom idle in the office. While the field works fatigued me hard, the meetings, workshops and festivals rejuvenated by shrinking spirit in wild. Nomadic festival of WCP in February was the first park festival I have attended in my life, and also my maiden journey to Bumthang and of course Choekhor Toe. I had the first glimpse of how Home stay for tourists are run and had a wonderful stay in one of the farm Houses. Yet again, ‘R’ a brainstorming statistics pulled me to the spiritual valley of Bumthang in June, during which not only did had fun with R and my fellow mates but also got to visit many of the sacred Nyes and witness the Tsechus.   

Jomolhari Mountain festival was an escapade. It was autumn. The monsoon has left and extremes of winter was awaited. The two day trek to Jomolhari base camp on the dry trail, warm day, accompanied by new friends and senior conservationists was mesmerizing as the autumn colours of fruitfulness. First of its kind, the Jomokhari Mountain Festival was one of the most cherishing moments of 2013.

Yet, in times, emotional lows wrecked me as well.

“The hope has faded with the morning dew,
The aspiration dispersed in the day light haze,
In the chilly evening air, towards the western horizon,
I am to gaze, In forlorn for the unfathomable mystery of life.”-August 2013

We were 10 of us. 10 fresh Forestry Graduates of 2012 posted in different agencies in capacity of Forestry Officer/Research Officer and since our departure to respective destination in January 2013, we never had an opportunity to gather together. It was the “Global Leadership Training for Results in Conservation”, which happened in November that brought us all together in Thimphu. Togetherness, laughter, dines and wines, only because we didn’t understand What does the Fox say? As the progressive 2013 approached its final curtain, the 3^rd Forestry Conference pulled me towards Samtse, offering a chance to meet and know many conservationists, from Forest Guard at the base till Minister at the Apex.

Our two Lady Friends Missing Here.

Rejoicing-ly, my village is just an hour drive from my office, so periodic home visits further bonded our intimacy, without having to borne any homesickness and as the 2013 ended, the festive mood of Winter Solstices pooled me towards my sweet home where together with my parents, I reflected back to the year just gone by, and looking forward many more such activities in the newly dawned 2014. The year really dosed me with health and happiness topped with loads of good fortunes.

“Let us join and farewell good year 2013 with happy ending and welcome our good another good year 2014 with joys and happiness, peace and success. Wishing you a happy and prosperous new year 2014.”  I thus received the first New Year greeting from a field colleague.