Feelings in the Fogs.

The sun has long sunk below the horizon, the moon was hardly visible in the sky. Perhaps the sky lost its depth of blues as the clouds crimson and dark overcast it. I was walking by the highway, listening to the tunes of modern lyrics, and as I walked on in solitude, the road never ended but it faded through the green of woods that too were immersed in the chaos of hazy fogs and at that point there lies a stone.

courtesy: Tshering

The point gave me a panoramic evening view of swift flowing Mangde chhu, the lush of green paddies on the lowlands of Tshangkha, the strategic temple with rainbows of prayer flags at Tashichoeling, the cluster of buildings of College of Language and Cultural Studies at Taktse and of course far beyond imagination my insight could visualize the magnificent fortress of Chokhor Rabtentse and many more, if not of the distractions of stirring clouds.

Sitting on the stone and as I gazed on the flow of fogs,  and I was then tuning to a melancholic Modern Bhutanese verse, the lyric of reads as follows;

“Two souls did met, yet happiness was a dream,
Sight captured the beauty, yet mind failed to appreciate
While seldom we encountered, feelings were feeble,
Now when we are to part, your reminiscence haunt me.

There’s neither answer to my call, nor reply to my message
In the meantime, I lost my precious values.
Oh Fate, why are you such an illusion,
Why I don’t see destiny in my love…”

Soon I lost my tune to the music and in the valley of fogs, my thoughts wondered like the fleeting clouds; of beauty, of uncertainty, of simplicity, of pride and egotism, of pains and tears , of positivity, of hopes and aspiration, and of course of this beautiful life.

I first saw beauty to which I lost my heart. That was the strength of beauty. The flowers of different colours and variety, though each possess a striking exquisiteness, the taste of nectar can never be ascertained that it will be sweet. So, what? Will the beauty that captured my sight and to which I lost my heart possess a beautiful heart to cherish an everlasting relationship? I didn’t dare to doubt, after all the feelings of my heart mattered. “In my life, my purpose of living is to fulfill your happiness.” Such sentence of selflessness and dedication has already been reached to the other end, to embrace the love my heart, and so did I. Yet my positivity yield no fruit, conversations over phone and sms exchanged lost its values, little dreams and laughter we shared were to go futile for reasons so silly and vague and there was no reflecting back.  While to err is human, my forgiveness heard no echo but my own words of promises and pledges reverberated in my ears; it remained unfulfilled and there was a pain in my heart, tear in my eyes.

By then, the music in my ear has shifted to soothing melody of Minzung and Namgay Jiks, but it was an irony;

“Oh! Please don’t go, leaving me behind,
When you go, I am filled with misery and poignancy.
Please don’t go, leaving me behind.
Without your presence in this world
my existence resembles a soulless body.
When you are gone too far
My life endures a hellish pain…”

My conscience is my strength. I looked around; the clouds are drifting as usual with its shape changing frequently. The fluttering prayer flags came to standstill. Every phenomenon is momentary and fleeting. Uncertainty is the law of universe. I then stared down the valley and could see the Mangde Chhu flowing swiftly though its sound faintly heard. Life is never static but it’s ever dynamic and it must flow on like the river. Each of us have a path to follow and destiny to reach, like the green paddies that will soon reach the bowl of landlords in the form of grains. At the end of the day, our mind should be free of guilt, of ego, but be filled with humble thoughts and positive energy. Life is only beautiful with positive energy and with values of humbleness and simplicity.

It was getting darker, and soon the clouds gave way to light drizzle to cleanse my thoughts. Such a place, such a weather to get immersed into the depth of feelings and emotions in solitude.

“Life is beautiful not because one is beautiful, one is wealthy, or one has extraordinary character. Life is beautiful only because of positive energy. In life, don’t regret about the past because it taught you lessons. Don’t worry about the future because it will come as surprise, sometimes it will surprise you because it is beyond your expectation, but sometimes it will surprise you because it is not up to your expectation, but it is meant to happen. We can’t pretend to be happy when we are not so do what makes you happy. After all our happiness matters. Don’t expect too much because expectation hurts.  Most importantly feel the pride because we cared for ourselves. Life is short, live happily. Never be proud because we let somebody down. We are meant to live this life by living principles. Avoid negative energy and inculcate positivity.”